My Everlasting Respect
by Darth Comrade
Summary: The last entry in a logbook belonging to an Imperial officer who fell victim to the wrath of Lord Vader.


_A.N.  
_

_Oneshot. Thanks to Alexii for proofreading.  
_

_ Enjoy!  
_

* * *

**My Everlasting Respect**

The corridors of a star destroyer were always grim and hollow. _Particularly_ **The Resolute**. I could swear there was a fault with the life support systems, because it's getting colder every day. If it wasn't the dropping temperatures, then it could only mean that something was mystically going wrong.

There was a time when I could say I didn't believe in superstitions, but that time has long gone.

There used to be a fantasy world. One full of adventure and wonder and excitement, but now…now it's all dark, all death. I'm now living in a horror story; a nightmare that I just can't wake up from.

This is a world where emotions and feelings don't exist. Sanity is a thing of the past, and the little that's left of it I abandon to my dreams and strip myself of it when I wake up. I'm a machine, a soulless droid, a humble servant to Lord Vader.

You do what you're told to do, that's all there is to it. No how, no why- no questioning of the sort, because as soon as you ask such questions you're allowing intelligence to surface- and that's something that you're not expected to have; it's something punishable by death.

Death…

They say it's a journey, but I could swear it looked like the end. I hoped it wasn't.

There was a time when it was something that was celebrated. Everyone was hailed for it; you were honored when you fell on the field, fighting for a cause that everyone believed was glorious and true. The heroes carried anointed titles and banners, rallying one another and leading the charge to worlds and systems unexplored and untamed.

And when you were shot, when your lifeless corpse crashed on the ground in a terrible splash of mud, or if your limbs were ripped apart from you in a tremendous explosion, you were never truly killed…you still lived on; in melodies, in joyous cheers and gallant medal ceremonies held in your honor. Your name, title and designation were _remembered_.

Except, it was all but forgotten, all but lost now…

When a gloomy cloud fell; when a dark shroud of anarchy gripped every soldier in a tight noose and stunned every gun wielding soldier and every yoke wielding pilot to silence the heroes and turn out the light from the galaxy; when duty came to call.

When the whispers of empire echoed and tore through the hearts and minds of every freedom fighting warrior, bereaving them of all sense and all mind, and the dream supplanted to us by the Jedi of a world upholding democracy and honoring the living in peace and harmony…

When the triggers were pulled; when the burn holes sizzled, when voices fell silent and those hearts full of so much good suddenly froze still.

When my general, my hero, my teacher and good friend turned his back on us all and destroyed everything that we fought for; and the sacrifices…_just remembering_ all the sacrifices were what hurt the most.

A voice echoed in my mind at that moment of grief. It was a happy memory that carried words spoken by general Skywalker himself to Jedi Master Ki Adi Mundi at the close of a battle. It was a bittersweet victory, after when all efforts seemed for naught but for the urge of the Jedi to hold on and keep holding on despite the overwhelming pressures of a long and hard fought war. It was a moment of a shared smile, when Master Mundi wondered about his earned prize for this battle and Skywalker responded in a humble bow, "My everlasting respect, Master Mundi."

Everlasting respect…

I can only wonder if I could share the same feelings about him anymore. If respect could be everlasting, then General Skywalker had a funny way of showing it. Because as far as I was concerned, every Jedi who lay dead and rotting on the battlefield and every smoking nozzle that took their souls in abrupt brutality was an effective desecration of that respect. Every clone knew that; every officer knew that…surely Vader knew that.

But it didn't even stop there…

The devastation of worlds we rescued, stripping them of their resources and the enslavement of their citizens was more than just insult to injury. It was pure monstrosity. Had he forgotten about the people he fought so hard for?

I certainly haven't. I've witnessed worlds burn under Separatism, left charred and deformed until we soared in and pulled the citizens back on their feet. We helped them rebuild. We _wiped their tears_ for them.

When he orders a star destroyer to land on the heads of protesters who are only calling for equality and justice, only to be killed in the hundreds and injuring thousands- in the name of order and security, and then to hail the act and have the captain rewarded for his service. Did he forget he had a Shili Padawan?

I could never forget her. They say a Jedi Master and his student share a special bond that could never be broken. Well, I'm not so sure about the last part. I've seen their bond; I've envied it. He broke it. Some say it was her time to go. They say the Force called to her and she answered it. But I see it differently. And I've learned a lot about the way politicians work and the price that has to be paid to see their evil deeds through. All hail the Empire; all hail Palpatine.

Her death was the single final stroke before the war became a purge; the purging of every last living Jedi Knight that still held the blade of the Jedi Order. My blaster fired, but my heart grieved; my mask was blood-soaked, but my face was wet with tears.

Those were the honorable deaths. It was a night for heroes. It was their calling.

Now I see no purpose left in my existence. I see my days as borrowed time. Every waiting moment I reminisce on the fallen spirits of the Jedi Knights and my brothers who held up arms to what I consider was a _real_ war. A war where good and evil was clearly divided; where the lightsabers guided us like spotlights in the darkness.

But here I am now, outside of my element, dragged out of that fantasy and drawn into this nightmare. Pulled away from the journey my friends have all taken into the netherworld and grounded with all my enemies, surrounded by hate, anger and darkness with only a single spotlight that guides me to all that is sin and villainy.

For too long have I lingered here; too long have I blanked away in the face of evil. The time has finally come to speak; it is my turn to march down the gallows, it is my time now to join my brethren and follow in the light. I may not be a Jedi, I may not have an affinity to the Force and I certainly do not possess the discipline nor knowledge that they had, but I know I stand for what they stood for, I know I fought for what they fought for and I know I can do it again.

I will call him by his name, I will frown upon his face; I will expose him to the eyes of retribution. A stubborn display worthy of every wielder of the light, I will stand a shining beacon as mighty as a thousand glowing lightsabers in combined power.

I've seen his worst and I fear no punishment he can bring to me, because I know who he is and I know it would pain him a lot more to bring me down than it would me. I am prepared and more than willing to make this sacrifice, because I know that when my life is taken from me and my armor clatters on the shiny durasteel floor that it would not have been the first time…

I've died before; I've died ever since my heart began beating in the vats of Kamino. I was bred to die. I was bred to suffer war, tragedy, fire and corruption. Hope is not something I understood completely, respect was not something I could offer to anyone, and compassion was never a word in my dictionary…

Yet, I learned these things; I adopted them, except I didn't know why it was happening. I began feeling things I didn't know I could feel. I discovered that I was more than who I was meant to be. I realized I could make my own destiny…

And I decided that I wanted my destiny to be with the Jedi Knights, and that can only happen if I become a Jedi Knight.

And now, in these final moments to myself, I shall close this journal with these last words- an echo of an extinct time in a dark and frightening galaxy…

May the Force be with you.


End file.
